Month 4 of the race was pretty life changing. As we walked away from the rainforest, I became overwhelmed with sadness. I didn’t want to leave. I was stuck in this limbo of wanting to be with the women I lived with and wanting to see the rest of my squad. Costa Rica taught me quite a bit. It taught me to write down the things I notice about myself. It taught me not to leave everything bound up in my mind, but to take time to process with the Lord. I learned that when I don’t know what to do with myself, I just need to sit down. I learned that uninterrupted time with the Lord is so fun and filling. I learned that I am original, no one can be me and I can be no one, therefore, comparison is a lie from the enemy that must go.
Every month, that I spend with the Lord, I walk into this new found freedom. I stopped treating the Lord like He is some genie living in a magic lamp, or like He is just my therapist and I only come to Him when I need something. But I stand in awe that the God of the universe, the creator of everything known to man is my father and my best friend. He is the most important relationship I have. He tells me how to do my hair every morning and what clothes I should put on. He highlights people to me and encourages me to go and pray for them. We laugh together, we pray together, and we cry together. He truly is everything all the time.
Half of this race, I have been comparing myself to people on my squad, saying things like; I am not pretty like this girl, this person is way more spiritual than me, I am not funny like this person. Or I would believe that I am not special to anyone and I am just in this world alone. No one loves me, or no one is thinking about me. All of these, are lies from the enemy. He tries to weaken us by thinking that we are not the bold, holy, and chosen people God has called us to be. The enemy lies! The Lord says that he has searched our hearts and he knows us, He knit us together in our mother’s wombs. (Psalm 139) That same God says that our worth is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10) Do we even know how much a ruby is even worth? Since 600 A.D rubies have been thought of as protection from battle. Soldiers would go as far as embedding rubies in their skin because they believed that they would protect them. Rubies are still known of high value and are used in British Crown Jewels. This is the weight that Rubies hold and God says, that our worth is FAR above that!
I am original, I am a precious jewel. I am not a king’s daughter, I am THE king’s daughter. The cloth that I am cut from holds weight and value that comparison or any lie from the enemy cannot contend. I am original. I am black and beautiful, I wear head scarfs and rings and I do a plethora of things. There is no limit to who God has made me to be. My gifts and talents are limitless and God has made room for each and every one of them. I am not defined by what my parents did or who my ex said I was. I am not defined by my past sins or how society looks at me. I am not defined by the color of my skin or the way that I speak. I am not defined by the way that I style my hair or the clothes I choose to wear. I am only defined by the one and true God. I cannot be compared, cloned, or casted out. I am original, originally made by the original God.
And guess what?…. YOU ARE TOO! You cannot be compared! That is what makes our God so overwhelmingly powerful! He made each one of his children differently and he knows each one of us intimately and he says that we matter. If we never matter to anyone else, we matter to the God who speaks to every mountain and tells it to move, and it has no choice but to move. God sent his son to suffer a death, so that we can be justified and if justified, then glorified. Nothing and no one can separate us from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:30) The God that gave up his son, will graciously give us all things. (Romans 8:31-34)
If you haven’t excepted Jesus today, do it! It will be the best decision of your life. He is waiting for you! If you are struggling in identity, here are a few scriptures that were given to me:
Psalm 139:14
1 John 2
Ephesians 1:5
Romans 15:7
Titus 3:4-7
John 1:12
Romans 8:28
Jeremiah 1:27
God bless you!
Song Suggestion: “It’s Not Over Yet” by: For King and Country
